the faithful ramblings a late bloomer. . .

the faithful musings of a four letter word user on a quest for authenticity.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Last Run Done. . . oh wait, there's still 13 more to go. . .

Ok, the ½ marathon I’ve been training for is this Sunday.  Am I ready?  Hell no.    

I’m not exactly where I was hoping to be training wise.  The holidays and a new (old) relationship threw a wrench into my training schedule, so I’m trying to tell myself that it’s the journey not the destination that really matters.

I’ve learned a lot while doing this and most importantly I feel as though I’ve shed an old skin.  The old skin was the one I wore up until I turned 30 which coincided with my world collapsing and one that has taken me the better part of four years to strip off.   It was cloaked in self doubt and worthlessness and disabled me from becoming the woman God intended me to be.  

While I’m still not where I ultimately want to be, I’m thankful that particular wardrobe no longer hangs in my closet.  I now understand that anything worth doing is worth doing well, that immediate gratification is for weenies and that the sense of pride and accomplishment that goes along with completing a goal is worth the blisters, soreness and exhaustion that accompanies 5 a.m. runs.  

It doesn’t matter what my final time is, nor if I take a few walk breaks.  What matters is that set out on a journey to train for and complete a half marathon 6 months ago, and in only a few short days from now, it will be history.  

What matters is all that God has shown me and given me (some really amazing friendships) and taught me during the process. It's definitely been a journey, and I'm still afraid of it, but I'm grateful to know that it's not been ability that has brought me this far, but simply God's grace.  It's not my skill or talent that will get me through the race Sunday but a strength that far outweighs my own, that currently seems like the greatest gift of all!

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