the faithful ramblings a late bloomer. . .

the faithful musings of a four letter word user on a quest for authenticity.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Just. Give. Me. Jesus.

That's all. That's all I need or want for Christmas. That's all I need or want today. That's all I need or want tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Bring on the Pain

Raise your hand if you love a good conflict? I see very few hands raised . . . Our society spends half of its existence trying to avoid pain at all costs, so the answer to my question was pretty predictable. I, too, spent many, many years trying to keep everything between the ditches as to avoid a pain inducing wreck. But as I consider the lessons I’ve learned over the last year, one of the greatest has been the value of pain and conflict.

I would go so far as to say that we Americans completely undervalue pain and conflict. We shrink in fear from it while we should be embracing it. Why, you say? Because each time we enter into a time of trial, be it in a relationship, the loss of a job, or an illness, we also walk through the doors of a growth campaign. Being stretched outside of our comfort zones enables us to open our minds and expand our horizons.

Further more, pain and conflict, encourage us to look up. We often end up in situations that are too difficult to bear alone and in these times, our most loving Lord is there waiting with open arms for us to call on his name. We are so busy in our every day lives that often forget to pray, considering what the Lord is up to in our lives. In a crisis though, our knee jerk instinct is to ask for help, thereby opening our eyes to seeing what he is doing.

This my friends, is a very good thing. And so again, I assert, we should all welcome conflict. Embrace it as a learning and growing experience! With the holidays upon us, there is bound to be tension with family and friends and stress from shopping and trying to get it all together in time. I would encourage you this holiday season, to not only pray your way through these times of difficulty, but also to recognize the tough times as opportunity and later to reflect on what you learned and how you grew.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Behind Every Good Woman, is An Even Better Man

Over the weekend, I felt as though God was telling me it's time to introduce you all to Jeff. Jeff the most capable and able person I've ever met and I'm the lucky girl that gets to call him boyfriend. We've done the on again, off again thing for the last year, but over that time, our friendship was growing all along and it would appear that a foundation for the future is being laid.

What has been resonating in my mind about Jeff over the last week or so is that he is the most capable person I know. Not only is he able to complete most any task known to man, but he has the tools needed to get the job. Need air in your tires, he’s got an air compressor. Need a roasting pan for your Thanksgiving turkey, he’s got it. A meat slicer for that 10 pound processed Ham for Easter? Check. How about a tiller for your garden, yep, he’s got that too. Within moments of mentioning you need something, he’s figured out the solution to the need and along with his desire to help, chances are, he also has the tools needed to get the job done.

I'm realizing now that part of the reason he’s in my life is that what intimidates me, doesn’t intimidate him. This whole blogging thing is a great case in point. Other than getting my blogspot account up and running, I was at a loss as to where to go next. After my friend, Gil, recommended I go ahead and set up my own twitter account in my own name, Jeff recognized the need to for me to have my own domain name and got to work on He figured out the independent server details and set up a word press page. While I’m not quite ready to start publishing this stuff there, it’s a huge help to know it’s there whenever the time is right to take the next step.

When God calls us out of our comfort zone to do something beyond our capabilities, he provides the tools we need and I believe Jeff is proof of that. His knowledge and encouragement are tools that I need to get the job done. He has the wherewithal to figure out the technical stuff that I don’t easily make sense of and he’s completely bought in to the project that I, at times, am still trying to wrap my head around.

It’s again proof that God won’t take me where his grace won’t provide for me. I don’t have to know how to do it all, He knows how to do it all, if I will just let go of the reigns!

Aside from the fact that he thinks Jesus is a pretty cool dude, the coolest part of what is going on in our relationship is that not only am I responding to a call to write, but he is too. While the projects we are working on are different, they’re similar enough for us to be able to collaborate on. We have a shared vision of what we’re doing and were we are going. It’s the first time I’ve had that in my life, and it’s really a remarkable feeling to be doing this with someone who is full on board.

How has God provided for you in instances when you weren’t equipped to handle the task he’d called you to do?

Friday, December 10, 2010

Help Me, Help You

If you’ve read this blog at all, I suspect you’ve caught on to the fact that I’m being taken outside of my comfort zone now and am wrangling with this letting go and letting God thing. I know that his love endures forever and that I will be 100% better off for following him, without a shadow of a doubt, I know that. However, I’m still having a hard time turning over the keys to my life to him and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.

Anyone else in this situation? What is he calling you to do? I seriously want to know. Leave a comment or send me an email. As I chart out on this new course, I’m curious about how others have responded to God’s call on their lives. How hard was it for you to just lay all your own devices down and say, “Okay, lord? Have your way with me.” If you’ve already been there, done that, tell me about it, please!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

What If?

Honestly, don’t you just love it when you read something and it’s like ah ha moment crack? I know I’m referencing Steven Furtick a lot here, but holy cow, the dude is good! His blog today totally sunk and I fully encourage you to click on the this word in blue and read it.

When I was driving to work this morning, I was thinking that I have an unhealthy relationship with decisions. As I’ve grown and faced some adversity, my decisions seem to carry a lot of weight and I think I’ve settled into the false reality of there are good decisions and bad decisions, with no in between. If I make the right decision, hoorah; if I make the wrong decision it’s a mandatory 7 years in purgatory.

That’s the conclusion I came to when I was driving to work this morning, and then as soon as I sat down at the computer, that still small voice beckoned me to the afore mentioned blog. So, I’m going to apply a little more “what if” to my decision making.

What if, I quit my job to write full time and I can’t buy Christmas presents?
What if, I say yes to the boy whose flame once flickered?
What if, I put all my stuff in storage and get on a boat?

Honestly, I feel as if God is telling me to do all these things. As I typed all that out, I really realized that is what is really going on here. But what if I fail and have no job to come back to? What if he hurts me again? What if I come back from my journey and have no place to return to?
What if my friends and family don't support me?

What if?

It's Not About Me

It’s not about me, It’s not about me, It’s not about me.

During the holiday season especially, I think it is easy to lose sight of this, and I, for one, NEED for this to be my mantra. As we hustle and bustle trying to get everything done, we often are so focused that we lose sight of that big old forest for all of the trees we stand in the midst of. From making lists and checking them twice to decking the halls on top of our normal busy lives, how are we supposed to keep any real perspective about the big picture?

“only one six billionth of this is about you” ~unknown

As the world’s population nears seven billion, our concerns, issues, problems, hopes and dreams are an infinitesimally small of fraction of what is really going on here. Only God has the bird’s eye perspective of how it all fits together. Only he knows the beginning and the end, yet we get so wrapped up in our own selves that most of the time we have absolutely NO GRIP on the reality of the situation.

The reality of the situation is that IT IS NOT ABOUT US. Now, you say, “what does that really mean, Linds?" That means, quite simply, that it is about Jesus and it is super important that we don’t lose sight of that, especially right now, only 16 days away from the day when we celebrate his birth and what it meant to those of us who love him.

Every good and wonderful thing in your life and in my life came from him . . . every single thing. Don’t think for a second that you are responsible for your 401(k). Do not think for one moment that something YOU did allowed for that big old beautiful house you’re living in, or that you really had anything at all to do with how amazing your children are turning out to be.

You might not like the ring of that, but that is the truth. All of those things you think you worked so hard for? Those are the ever loving arms of God’s grace embracing you. He gave you all of those things, not because the hard work you did earned you a few extra bucks, but because he loves you!!! He adores you, and provides for you because he wants for your hearts to be content. End of story.

If we would just focus our eyes on him for a few moments each day, how we are going to get those cookies baked for little Johnny’s Christmas Party would suddenly become no big deal at all.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


Whew, this writing thing is hard. For me to do this, I have to get up very early in the morning, before the sun rises on my day to day thoughts. I sit here in the dark waiting for the Lord to shine down on me with divine intervention. If I make the time to do this, nine times out of ten it comes and I end up getting something down on paper. If I don’t make the time to sit down with a clear head, then I’m guaranteed not to get to anything done.

Making the time has been the greatest challenge. As I’m trying to fit writing into my schedule, I’m also trying to fit training for a half marathon in. Add to that a relationship, friendships, work, and other commitments and by Friday morning my head is often spinning. Oh, and I have I mentioned the holidays?!?!? The assholes are surely trying to tell me I can’t keep all of this up and meet the additional demands of the holiday season (not to mention the ubiquitous holiday drama) as well!

I’ve certainly had moments over the last few weeks when I’ve felt snowed under with this new direction I find myself in. It’s kind of like adjusting to having a new baby in the house. Everything is different. This new thing requires time, focus and intention. My entire schedule has had to shift to accommodate the early mornings, which means early evenings . . . nothing is the same. Huge upside is that smelly diapers are not involved.

The bottom line though, is that everything that overwhelms me are ALL tremendous blessings from God! This new direction, my relationships with friends and family, my amazing job and my civic responsibilities all bring depth and purpose to my life. They are all tremendously beneficial facets to my existence and not one of them can afford to suffer from my being a little in over my head.

If that is the case, and I fully believe it is, then God will give me the time and energy, inspiration and motivation to do all I need to do. As I have said here before, He won’t take me where His grace won’t lead me. The same goes for you.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Sun Stand Still

I’m just getting started with Steven Furtick’s new book Sun Stand Still. I can already tell that it’s going to be life changing and keep thinking it's timing should be of no surprise. For the first time in my life, I’m dreaming an audacious dream. I have a plan and while I know it will take hard work and dedication and commitment to see it come to fruition, I,for the first time in my life have the desire. I will write a book and I am going to be a full time writer at some point in the not too distant future.

“If you’re not daring to believe God for the impossible, you’re sleeping through some of the best parts of your Christian life. . . If the size of your vision for your life isn’t intimidating to you, there’s a good chance it’s insulting to God.” – Steven Furtick

It is safe to say that I have been insulting God for years now. I was perfectly content with the status quo, never even contemplating stepping outside of the 4 walls of my “box”. But what I have found most amazing is that when you do bother to approach the walls and begin to attempt to climb over them is that the walls begin to crumble under the weight of your future, the life you haven’t been living. Even more amazing is that you discover your safety net that’s been below you the entire time is a bit like a trampoline; super fun to jump on while testing out it’s resilience and strength while discovering how much reciprocity you find each time you spring back onto the black canvas.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

He Meets Us Where We Are

What keeps people from following Jesus isn’t the scandal of the Cross but the scandal of Christians who don’t love. ~ Rick Warren

My counselor gave me a couple of assignments as I was facing the difficult reality of being freed from my marriage covenant. The first was to get some accountability on actually following through with my plan to move out of my house, and the second one was to read The Shack.

What resonated in me about the book was the simple fact that Jesus meets us where we are. He knows our beginning and our end. NOTHING we do surprises him. He understands our feelings of betrayal, isolation, desperation, joy and sorrow because he experienced all of them during his time here on earth. He knew the situation we find ourselves in when we’re crying out to him in pain and suffering long before there was a single hair on our head. He’s not shocked, nor disappointed.

The bible beaters of the world will tell us that God hates sin and we’re sinners, so this can’t be true. They have built up walls around the heart of Jesus through condemnation, criticism and judgment that rational thinking humans can’t tear down those walls to see the heart of Jesus. But, I believe the heart of Jesus is nothing like the “Christians” that proudly bear his name.

He is kind, compassionate, overflowing with love, grace and mercy. He wants nothing more than to delight with us in our successes and teach us, as a loving parent, in our failures. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect, because he knows that in our human condition, we simply aren’t capable of it. Having experienced our conditions on earth, he knows it so intimately that he’s not in the least surprised when we screw up as royally when we do.

However, we walk around forgetting that progress is actually the goal, not perfection. We hang so much value on being right and good, and are so disappointed in ourselves when we fail that we end up pushing God further away. But, I would argue, that he absolutely does not care about the stuff we get so hung up on, because he always meets us where we are.

He meets us where we are.

We don’t have to “raise up” to some level of refined spiritual and/or physical behaviors before we can know him.

He meets us where we are.

Broken and shattered, needing the peace and comfort only he can provide.

He meets us where we are.

To carry the burdens this life continues to offer and to provide us peace, joy and love that make us whole.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Asshole's Abound

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~ e.e. cummings courage is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

From these two little gems, we can garner that in order to grow up and become who we really are we’re going to HAVE to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc. There’s no avoiding it, it’s a part of life. Growth requires pain. We’re not going to travel down the path of life without uncertainty, heartache, and facing difficult truths. We’re going to have to look them face to face, mano y mano, becoming one with them, discarding the ones that are simply lies and accepting others that are out of our control.

For the fun of it, let’s call these difficult truths, “assholes”. No one wants a bunch of assholes ruining their day. What would you do if you found yourself in a room with 10 bonafied assholes? You would leave, that’s what you would do.

So what about the assholes that have infiltrated the cortex’s of our brain? They are certainly there you know. They are the demons and insecurities we’ve picked up over time from life experiences that have hurt us. They’re the scar tissue if you will. They’re not necessarily disabling but they’re there, living testimonies of the pain we’ve felt in the past.

For years, I thought I was stupid. I was far more social growing up than academic by nature. School wasn’t really my thing and I started to believe that I wasn’t smart (asshole). In fact, I never believed I would graduate from college. Somehow though, that little lie manifested itself in me and became a part of who I was for a very long time. It became an excuse for not taking control of my own destiny, but it was totally a lie. I am perfectly capable and able to do anything I want to do, become anything I want to become, but for years, that asshole made me feel otherwise.

So, how did I deal with that asshole? I just started calling it out. When the thought occurred to me that I couldn’t do something, I just began saying, “that’s a lie”. When you start seeing them for what they are they really start to get under your skin and piss you off. Action must taken. The asshole that keeps telling me I am lazy. . . I’ll show him, I’ll go run 5 miles. The asshole that tells me I am not pretty, I’ll dress up for work for no reason (chicks know the amazing power held in a pair of heels). The asshole that tells me I’m not worthy of my friends . . . watch what nice thing I can do for them to make their day brighter.

I love the definition of idiocy that’s been viral for a while now: doing the same thing while expecting different results. If we want things in our lives to improve we have to make a change, we have to do things differently. Often that involves a knocking out a few assholes. And bar fights require courage.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Don't Get Mad

I received an email this morning that began; Let me start off by saying, “Don’t get mad.” Of course my first thought was, Uh oh, but as I read on, I kept thinking, How could I possibly be mad???

My friend, Gil, had recognized something I needed to do and gone ahead and completed the task on my behalf. I suspect he feared he was overstepping boundaries, but I was completely and totally overwhelmed with gratitude! Not only had he given thought to some steps I need to take to protect myself on here, but also took the time to get the ball rolling and then he bothered to take the time to explain it all to me.

How could I possibly be mad? How could I possibly reject the attention and the assistance? How could I not rejoice at having such amazingly loving and supportive people in my life? I’m sorry that for one millisecond, he even had a moment of concern that I would be mad! I am completely humbled by his willingness to invest in what I’m doing here and completely overwhelmed by his support.

My point in telling this story though is that I think God responds the exact same way.

Since publishing “Next Fall” on here, I’ve been a little concerned about people’s response to me essentially telling our heavenly Father to sit on it and spin, albeit in a moment of pain and weakness on my part. My response to what God was telling me in that instance was hardly reverent or humble and I can certainly see why most folks would certainly take offense to what I said. While I’m not touting making this a regular occurrence, let’s take a second to look at it from the perspective of the throne.

Every minute, every second of the day, God is there; watching over us, providing for us, guiding us and loving us. He is always looking out for our best interest even when our feeble little minds can’t see that since we are not necessarily “getting our way”. He is always there waiting, patiently, for us to see him, stop and wave, and acknowledge him, as he sends light and love our way.

So, I’m thinking that if God got an email from me that began, “Let me start off by saying, “Don’t get mad. I have done this and this and this because I thought this, this and this.” He’d likely have a similar response that I had to Gil’s email, which was “omg, honey, thanks!! Thanks for coming to me and having this conversation with me. Thanks for trusting me with your insight, let’s figure this thing out”.

For not one second, should we hesitate to take him our pain, anger, or our frustrations; our shit, if you will. He can take it. He doesn’t care. It’s not exactly like he didn’t know it was all going to happen a billion years ago. It’s hardly news to him that we’re full of crap, egos and hubris. He doesn’t care! How amazing is that! He is just so stinking excited that we took the time to look up and come to him and he’s grateful for our attention. We are his children; his hearts that are walking around outside of his body. He just wants us to look up, and let him take the rest from there.

**i LOVE the soundtrack selection for this one. Click on the title link and be blessed!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Use Me

One of the baby steps of spreading the word about these words was my starting a Twitter account last week. I had an account a few years ago, but didn’t really get the point, so I quickly abandoned it. When I googled my name my twitter page was the first thing to pop up and I simply couldn’t have my reputation being caught up in such silliness. I was that bound and chained by fear of rejection. Someone might see it and think me silly, stupid, childish . . . whatever the adjective, I just couldn’t have that, so delete.

While the reality of having my heart and soul available for the entire internet to see is continuing to settle in, what has made it easier to share is the amount of relevant tweets I now see on a daily basis. It’s like a sweet tonic of Jesus, Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Goethe, and Nelson Mandella all wrapped up into one!

When you’re following Bob Goff, Louie Giglio, Mark Driscoll and Tony Dungy it’s like pearly wisdom coming at you night and day (omg, what if Jesus had a twitter????). I have to say I’m quite relieved to have this stream of inspirational ethics flowing into my conscience. I am pretty sure this could rock my world in the long run as God gave me this example this morning:

Text last night from a friend:

“I feel like my life is insignificant and that I have not done anything. My obituary would be extremely lack luster. I really feel like I would not be missed at all. Don’t take that to mean I am going to kill myself.”

Tweet this morning from Louie Giglio:

“We all preach our own funerals. No one else can say more or less than who we really are and what we gave our lives for.”

So many of us (myself included) have yet to find who we really are and even more importantly what we’re willing to give our lives for. Perhaps it is at that crossroad that our obituaries begin to take shape. Without sacrifice, hard work and determination for a cause outside of ourselves we are doing nothing but serving ourselves. Considering we won’t be around for our own funerals, who would bother to show up?

Use Me, Jesus. Use Me up.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Living Out Loud

This is my friend Mara.

Yesterday, in New Zealand, jumping off the Kawarau Bridge .

While an acquaintance for years, I’ve recently gotten to know Mara much better as we are training to complete a half marathon together in January. I recently told another friend, that what I loved most about Mara was that she is always up for anything. When I said that, I really meant, drinks. She’s always up for getting drinks.

But when I saw this picture on Face book this morning, I realized precisely what it is I love and admire most about Mara.


She doesn’t let little minutia’s of fear get in her way. She lives out loud. She is living a great story!