Last Run Done. . . oh wait, there's still 13 more to go. . .

Ok, the ½ marathon I’ve been training for is this Sunday.  Am I ready?  Hell no.    

I’m not exactly where I was hoping to be training wise.  The holidays and a new (old) relationship threw a wrench into my training schedule, so I’m trying to tell myself that it’s the journey not the destination that really matters.

I’ve learned a lot while doing this and most importantly I feel as though I’ve shed an old skin.  The old skin was the one I wore up until I turned 30 which coincided with my world collapsing and one that has taken me the better part of four years to strip off.   It was cloaked in self doubt and worthlessness and disabled me from becoming the woman God intended me to be.  

While I’m still not where I ultimately want to be, I’m thankful that particular wardrobe no longer hangs in my closet.  I now understand that anything worth doing is worth doing well, that immediate gratification is for weenies and that the sense of pride and accomplishment that goes along with completing a goal is worth the blisters, soreness and exhaustion that accompanies 5 a.m. runs.  

It doesn’t matter what my final time is, nor if I take a few walk breaks.  What matters is that set out on a journey to train for and complete a half marathon 6 months ago, and in only a few short days from now, it will be history.  

What matters is all that God has shown me and given me (some really amazing friendships) and taught me during the process. It's definitely been a journey, and I'm still afraid of it, but I'm grateful to know that it's not been ability that has brought me this far, but simply God's grace.  It's not my skill or talent that will get me through the race Sunday but a strength that far outweighs my own, that currently seems like the greatest gift of all!

Hey, Big Guy? Can you hear me now?

A line in Jon Acuff’s blog yesterday really resonated with me.  He was discussing the finer points of “making things happen” ahead of God’s time line when he said that he’d jumped into a career move after praying about it for zero minutes. 

Whoa.  How many times have I done the same thing? 

What am I trying to make happen now without praying for one minute about?  Just yesterday, I spent a good couple of hours searching on the internet for immediate answers to one of those items . . . trying to make something happen.  How much sweeter will it be though, when, after diligent prayer, I see God PROVIDE those answers without me lifting a finger?

As I thought about this, I pulled out my handy dandy lil netbook and jotted down a list of 4 decisions that are weighing on my heart at the moment. As I strive to be more intentional in 2011, it seemed a logical step and I hope to see a few benefits.

For starters, I want to be focused in prayer on them, so for me, getting them out of my head and on to virtual paper helps me be deliberate about them.   I can refer to them when I have a few minutes here and there to pray.  Also, having a short list of 4, means that if I’m driving along in my car, I can remember the 4 and blurt out some thoughts (prayers).

Furthermore, as God reveals the answers to those prayers, I can revert back to them, in their written form, write more about them and see what God has done.  Doing so should give me faith in the future as I move on from those four and make new lists.

I really want to see God move here.  He is God. I am Lindsey.  He moves, I follow. 

Not the other way around. . . I move, He follows?  Uhm, no.  Clearly, that's not how it works.  I've tried it in the past.  Have you?

Clean Up On Aisle 6

Do you ever find yourself cleaning up another person's mess?  Jeff and I spent much of Sunday afternoon, paint brushes in hand, doing exactly that.

It’s hard not to bitch and moan about it, when you’re in the heat of it. When you’re spending your blessed Sunday afternoon, repeating a job that has already been done.   I really think it’s only human to find fault with the situation.

I’ve been thinking about it this morning, looking at the drawers that clearly don’t match, and wondering what in the hell the guy was thinking when he put them in?  Did he plan to paint them? Was he just being lazy? Perhaps he was simply color blind. 

Whatever the reason, as I was about to load up the old primer bucket and get to work I was trying to think if there is a way to find honor in it; trying to come up with some way to change my attitude about it.

My time and energy going into this project certainly are not a blessing to the old owner, he’s long gone and certainly never thinks for a moment about the jobs he left undone.  So, where should I set my mind, as I set about cleaning up his messes?

Only one thing came to mind.  How many messes does my Jesus, have to clean up for me?  And, how many times have I moved on from the offense, never to look back, while he’s back there loading up the proverbial primer bucket? Touche'.

Name That Blog!!

By the end of the month, my goal is to have www.lindseygoodall.com up and running and to have all of this jazz moved over there..  It is a wordpress page, and I have paid for, downloaded and uploaded my preferred theme.  I just need to make the move the official move over there.  Sadly, this little blogspot home I’ve found here, is quite cozy and I’m a wee bit distressed about making the move but I'm excited about taking the next step into my making my dream of full time writing a reality.

There are a few reasons for my pout about doing it though.  The first being that wordpress  makes me feel like a dumbass.  Like driving off from the gas station without paying for your gas, dumb.   Wait, that hasn't happened since the Pay Before You Pump revolution, but I suspect all of you are old enough to remember that feeling. Anywho, I have full faith that at some point I’ll master it and call it my bitch, but until then, every time I close out of it, I’m left feeling like a complete and utter moron.  I will press on however.

Secondly, I feel like a name change is on the horizon.  As my blog coach, so eloquently defined what I was already feeling/thinking about it, there is a disconnect between the title and the content. I have to admit that hearing that did evoke some sadness on my part, because SFD had the "wow" factor AND it resonated with me personally.

Sh*t, F*ck, D*mn was perfect for a season Being able to put it all out there provided the no holds barred approach I needed to get myself headed in the right direction with blogging. Every time I open the page, I feel like I can say whatever is on my mind, that this is my platform, for me, by me, with love.

Here is where you come in.  I need help coming up with a name.  Sh*t, F*ck, Damn, rattled around in my brain for months before I finally jumped in and did it.  Jeff and I have brainstormed a few times and the best we’ve got is “I saw God today”.  While, that title is sort of what I ultimately want the blog to be about; how I most recently saw or felt God moving, it is simply not irreverent enough!

I don’t want it to be “religious”. I want it to be real. 

Any ideas?  Something slightly cheeky, but with a faithful undertone is what I’m looking for.  While you work on that, I’ll work on strengthening my relationship with Wordpress in an effort to bring you the official launch of www.lindseygoodall.com!


So, show me what you've got!   You are all FAR more creative than me, so give it your best shot by leaving a comment below.  The winner will get some super tremendous prize, selected by me, from me, with love! xoxo

Look Up

I want to share with you all  the devotion that I read this morning, January 24^th, from Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling.  If you’ve ever wanted a daily devotional, I would highly recommend it, as it's not heady or weighty.   It was given to me for Christmas by a dear a friend and it’s literally like starting each and every day with a bear hug from the one that made you. 

                “MY PEACE is the treasure of treasures: the pearl of great price.  It is an exquisitely costly gift, both for the Giver and the receiver.  I purchased this  Peace for you with my blood.  You receive this gift by trusting Me in the midst of life’s storms.  If you have the world’s peace—everything going your way—you don’t seek MY unfathomable Peace.  Thank Me when things do not go your way, because spiritual blessings come wrapped in trials.  Adverse circumstances are normal in a fallen world.  Expect them each day.  Rejoice in the face of hardship, for I have overcome the world.”

In my last post, I wrote about how much I cherish my Mondays.  How sometimes I feel as though I live for Mondays.  This Monday is no different, and after a week of running to and fro, all over the planet it seemed, I awoke this morning with no place to be and nothing to do.  Hallelujah.

As I turned to today’s page and saw that the first two words were “MY PEACE”, it felt like that big old bear hug from Jesus that I have been longing for this week.  But as I read, thanking Him in my head for answering my prayers for the quiet and peaceful day that is stretched out before me, I was reminded of a conversation I recently had with my Aunt.

As we prepared our holiday plans, we were trying how to fit together the pieces of a broken family.  We were both longing for the days when once it seemed, everyone happily and willingly showed up to my grandmother’s each and every holiday,  to enjoy the feast and the fellowship.  With that no longer as easy as it once was, she said, “Lindsey, I so wish this could just be easy and not so hard.”  In one of those divine moments of inspiration, I retorted, “but then we would never have to look up.”

I can honestly say now that I’m grateful for the hardships in my life that force me to just stop and say, “You’re in control of this, not me”.  Moreover, I’m beyond grateful, that there is someone up above to look up to, when life throws a few lemons in my direction. But most of all, I'm always, always touched by the peace that overwhelms me when I mutter those words.

A case of the Mondays

I had a plan of how it was supposed to go.  Like we all, often do.

However, a slight little change in plans set me completely off course.  I didn't even take the much needed shower.  While it was a completely welcomed surprise that set me off course, by the end of the day, i felt as thought I would never get back my momentum.  I learned a lesson though, which is I guess what really matters; the lesson being to NEVER set about my getting my chores done before getting down and dirty with God in a little QT and before I get my writing goals met, on a Monday.

It started out like any other Monday.  Well, any other Monday for me, is not like any other Monday for you.  I LOVE Monday.  I LIVE FOR Monday. I look forward to Monday, like you look forward to Friday.  Monday is all about ME day.  And, all about Jesus day.  All about me and Jesus day.  Ah.

The past few months, since this writing journey began, Mondays have really become the one day when I can sit in the still and focus on where God is telling me to go with this thing.  I can shut everything else out (except how much I love Mondays) and listen to what he's telling me to write and get down to the business of doing it.

Last week, half of my parents were in town and I had several meetings and other obligations, so I knew my Monday was shot, but went with it, feeling like I was sacrificing my Monday for the greater good.  While I did, very much miss it, I kept thinking, "it's ok.  Next Monday is just around the corner'.

It doesn't rain much in Florida.  Not like it does in other parts of the world, where the rain just sets in for the day or days on end.  We get plenty of showers, but not so many rainy days.  When I realized that yesterday was forecasted to be a really rainy day,  I decided I better alter my preferred Monday schedule a bit, running the errands first thing before the rain set in, rather than spending the morning with God and writing.  I figured I would knock out the my errands and my chores before lunch an as soon as lunch was over, I would be able to cozy on the couch and get down to business, and thereby making the most out of my rainy day.

While something horrible could have happened to derail my plans, it was a truly unexpected and pleasant surprise that set me off course.  Jeff came home from work after lunch with no plan of returning to the office for the afternoon!  Now, please don't get me wrong (especially, you babe!), I was THRILLED to have the afternoon with him!  We've been running a thousand miles an hour the last week, many times in opposite directions, and I was over the moon that he'd busted his ass that morning at work so we could have the afternoon together.  Truly, it was a great treat!

By supper time, I was in a funk.  I had worked all day, doing chores, running errands and cooking but hadn't gotten to the "work" I so desperately needed and wanted to do.  I had completely lost another Monday.  Two weeks in a row.  I needed some Jesus, I needed to write, I needed not to fail at completing my goals. 

Here's your sign, Linds.  Satan, you mother f*cker, stealer of all joy and peace, thanks for taking away a perfectly wonderful surprise and using it to jump start my week with an extra jolt of exhaustion and a pervasive sense of failure.

At this point, you're probably thinking, "why am I reading this?"  Hell, I'm certainly sitting here thinking, "why am I writing this?"  The point is (hallelujah, we've made it to the bottom line), is that while I sit here exhausted, terrified of the busy week that spans before me like a Jordan crossing to get to next Monday, I KNOW that God will use this shitty little experience.  I know that he will take my heavy eyelids and pry them open and help me get it all done.  Who knows what he's going to do in me and through me this week, but I know it's going to be good.

I know he'll pull me out of the funk, see to it that I get some rest, make a few moments, like these, for me to get some writing done, and that by Him, through Him and with Him, I can get it all done and live to see another Monday.

Update:  It's now 8:25 p.m. and I made it through the day, which 13 hours before, I wondered how I would ever survive.    While it wasn't easy, God granted me peace and courage to keep busy and keep on task and I'm so grateful.  

I had a work event tonight, which are never really any fun, but tonight while speaking to a group I felt God infusing me with his patience to complete my duties to the best of my ability. To God be the glory, great things he hath done. 

God is good. All the time. God is good.

What a morning!  After snoozing the 3 set alarms on my iphone (set to the most horrendous ringer in the world), and snoozing each one of them 3 times, and spending those 15 minutes deciding whether or not to hit the gym, go downstairs and write or go back to sleep, I finally talked myself into getting my lazy hiney to the gym. 

While pounding out 5 miles on that damn treadmill, I was again overcome by the awareness that I can do absolutely ANYTHING I set my mind to and moreover THAT YOU CAN TOO.  Setting the bar a little bit higher, each time I run by myself, often leaves me with a feeling of accomplishment that I wish I could bottle up and share with you.  We’ve all heard that we can do anything through Christ who strengthens us (Phil. 4:13) but have we truly experienced that?  Have we put it all out there on the line saying, “God there is no way, I can physically, emotionally, spiritually (whatever) accomplish this task, but I believe you will fill me with your strength to do it”?  And have we continued on to complete the task, watching his strength and love ooze from our sweaty pores?

After running back home and quickly getting ready for work and a quick trip by the bank to grab my weekly allowance, I was thrilled with myself at what all I had accomplished in the few short hours since those damn alarms started going off.  As a reward for all of my hard work and dedication, I decided to run into 7-eleven to grab one of my favorite breakfast treats.

Sadly, they were out of cheese Danishes (holla if you love them like I do), so I begrudgingly made my way over to the consolation prize: Muscle Milk.  I was totally bitching about the fact that I was about to spend $4 on a “healthy” drink when the “unhealthy” cheese Danish would have only cost me $1.49, when I recognized that the man in front of me to check out, was paying for his gallon of water in pennies and dimes.

WHOA. Here I am, blessed beyond belief, to have $4 to spend on 16 ounces of pure protein and I’m bitching about it? 

I remembered the $50 bill in my wallet (given to me by a gatherer), and as I walked to my car, noticing the same clean cut fellow sitting in the driver seat of a local heating and air company’s van, I also remembered that look of anxiety on his face as he waited, hoping he’d handed the clerk enough, as she counted out his payment for a gallon of spring water.

I can easily tell you that the greatest blessing of my week was knocking on the window of his van and mumbling something about “I know this weird but it’s sort of a random act of kindness thing. . .  but anyway, here’s some money for you”. 

God is good. All the Time. God is Good.  Not only did He strengthen me to meet my own needs this morning, but He also provisioned me to help meet the need of another.

"Do for one person what you wish you could do for everyone." ~ Andy Stanley

Friends in High Places

I want to take a minute this morning to introduce you all to direct you to the blogs of two of my dear friends Gil Gonzalez and Lee Sullivan.  They are just returning from the heaven that is better known as "The Rock Boat", the original floating music festival put on by the one and only, Sixthman.

While I've never had the good fortune of attending The Rock Boat, I've had the good fortune of attending several "sister events" and love living vicariously each year as my friends return sharing their stories of fun, sun, music and mayhem. This year is no different and I know that while I should be doing something productive, much of the next few days will be spent filing through scores of pictures and watching new TRB youtube videos.

Gil and Lee are both participating in a 30 day writing challenge, so upon their return from the cruise last night, they both blogged about it and I couldn't be happier to know that they both found God on a cruise that has been deemed "Spring Break for Grown Adults".  I have no doubt he was rocking his face off to NEEDTOBREATHE.

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Comments

Happy Saturday morning to you all!

I'm hearing from several of you that you haven't been able to leave comments.  As I'm one who does appreciate a little gratification from time to time, I really hate to be missing them!  I have all the settings in place for anyone to leave a message at any time, and I've double and even triple checked to make sure that all comments are enabled so if you could help me figure out the problem, I'd be indebted! 

As you attempt to leave a comment, make sure you choose an identity (even if it's anonymous) after typing your post.  Then click on "Publish Your Comment".  If you've followed those steps and are getting an error message please let me know (lpgoodall@gmail.com) what it is and I'll continue the hunt for the root of the problem!

I hope it's a really great weekend for you all, whether your on the beach or bundled up in the warmth of a cozy fire! 

Mid Week Check In

I started the week, feeling behind in most aspects of my life. On day 3 of the New Year, I wrote about feeling like I was already slacking on my goals and afraid of not making any head way. As prayed for, God answered my prayers, helping me to pull my head out of my funk and get back into a far more productive and creative mindset.


After writing and posting the blog Monday morning, I did get out for a run, albeit, not a good one. All that mattered though was simply that I had gotten out of the house and that my feet were hitting the pavement. Distance, time, breathing patterns were all irrelevant as I simply strode towards the goal of getting in 4 runs this week.


By the end of the day, not only had I met that goal, but also knocked out the goal of having 3 blog posts ready to go for the week, in the event that I didn’t get a chance to sit down and write any more. Additionally, I helped Jeff get a major editing project done for his blog, tackled some chores and called it a day, feeling like I’d dug myself out of the hole.


Starting the week off with a quite, yet productive Monday certainly helped. Tuesday was a blur, being back at work for the first time in two weeks, followed by dinner with my girl friends, and the random emotional punch to the gut.  Even with all that I did begin to make some strides in figuring out my Word Press page and what I want that to look and feel like. I closed out the day, with a Just Give Me Jesus, and knew that it was all going to work out just fine.


Yesterday, I made even more headway in figuring out what wordpress theme I want to use (standard) and did more research on how to make this blogging outlet something relevant and substantial for those of you who are bothering to read it. Again, I saw the benefits of starting the day early, with a four mile run, as I was focused and intentional with how I spent my time throughout the day.  Progress, even in baby steps, is all that matters at this point.


Despite the runny nose, post nasal drip, headache, stuffy head feeling that I have going on, I really do feel like I’ve had a productive week. I feel like I’m getting somewhere, accomplishing something, working hard to pursue a goal, several in fact. Again, I don’t know where this is going, but I hope you’ll stick around and watch as God reveals his divine plan as I believe it will be good. Very good!

Love Drop

Love Drop is a micro-giving network of people who unite as a community to help one person or family a month. By subscribing to the team for as low as $1, they make it easy for their members to change lives in a fun and tangible way. Each month Love Drop delivers a unique combination of unexpected financial gifts, personal encouragement and the support of local and online communities.

Every month the Love Drop community comes together to raise as much support and awareness as we possibly can. It starts on the website - LoveDrop.us, gets spread across our entire network of blogs, continues through the forums where all our members are brainstorming, and finally lands on the front steps of our recipients. Literally.

At the end of every month, Nate and J$ show up in the town the people live in to deliver this pile of goodness. The money, the gifts, the services, everything! It's all on film, and it all ends with an amazing outpouring of love. And then it starts all over again the next month. Help them, and their flagship partner, Kona Grill, make this drop in Chicago amazing!

As you can see from Jill’s video above, there are SO MANY people out there that need our help NOW. Right NOW!. Every day people like you and me who are going through some tough times right now. It’s Love Drop's mission to change the lives of 12 of these families for the next entire year.

Early Riser

Waking up early has become a new source of balance and peace for me.  While I haven’t fully incorporated early mornings in to my routine, I have recently come to recognize their value.  Training for the marathon started the whole thing, but then I found on a couple of mornings when the others bailed, that I was able to get some really good writing done before the sun came up.

In Knit Together, Debbie Macomber, says that she starts every day at 4:30 in the morning with a devotional time and then time for journaling and praying.  When I read this, I was astounded.  Every day?  4:30? How in the world does someone start their day like this?  Of course, I know others who do it, but it sounded completely ridiculous to me.  I should have known then that God was calling me to do this ridiculous thing.

It’s awesome to get the run for the day out of the way bright and early after you’re fully rested, but I’ve found it an even better time for reading, reflecting and writing.  (honestly, I can’t believe I’m saying this right now) Without work, phone calls, text messages and other crap floating around in your brain, it really creates a powerful start to the day. When I did this, I found that I was far more intentional with how I spent my time throughout the day, accomplishing stuff that I needed to get done rather than just passing the time. 

It helped me to feel centered and in touch with God in a way that I’ve never regularly felt before.  Just a few moments, dedicated to him, at the beginning of my day was such a break from my normal toes meet floor meet toothbrush meet shower routine that had me on the run from the second my eyes opened over day that I fell in love with it.

My day to day routines have changed though since I fell in love with it, and I’m not doing a great job at it but I hope to as the year progresses and my life settles down a little bit.  For those of you who haven’t tried it though, I would encourage you to set your clock an hour early one day a week.  Get up,  read some sort of motivational/inspired reading, reflect a little bit on it, make a few notes and then take a few moments to think about what you need to accomplish that day.  

p.s. As I post this, I just came in from an early morning and truly feel like I just gave myself a gift.  It's weird but I hope you find the same thing when you give it a shot!

Bring it on 2011

My dear friends Gil, and Lee are completing a 30 day writing challenge. While I’m not up to the 30 day challenge this month, I am going to borrow a few of their topics from time to time. If you’re at all interested in blogging or just journaling for yourself, I highly recommend taking a look at this link and you’ll find a great starting place for topics on which to begin your writing.

As I write this we are 3 days into the New Year and while I’ve tried to take some time over the last few days to reflect on 2010 and gear up for 2011, today has really been the first time I’ve had the time to sit and ponder. I want to share a few things I’m excited about in 2011 and note some highlights from 2010

2010 Highlights:

• Learning what a real relationship should look and feel like.
• Being sicker than I’ve ever been in my life, and alone for most of it, just after a hard break up, and surviving it.
• While in a yoga class, heeding the call to “just write the damn book” and going home and starting to write.
• Getting serious about running and finding a super great group of girls to run and train with. Huge blessing!
• Buying my first car. Yep, I’m 33 years old and have never signed on the dotted line. It was the bolded, underlined and italicized item on my divorce bucket list so crossing it off was a huge weight off my shoulders. Turns out it was no big deal at all.
• My first trip to the Florida Keys. Again, another stupid little item, but it had pissed me off for far too long to live this close and having never gone that I put it on the bucket list and . . . sure enough I crossed it off. . . had a great time doing it too.
• I watched someone I’ve loved and prayed for to screw their head on straight pull their head out of their ass and let God take the reins. Truly cool. Prayer works. Try it.
• Road tripped with my sister. While unfortunate circumstances made this happen, 1700 mile trip for our grandmother’s funeral was a cherished time for me.
• My Dad bought a condo in Vero, which may be his ultimate expression of love and devotion to me. The fact that he loves me enough to want to buy a place here (albeit the view doesn’t suck), made me feel like a treasure.
• Earlier in the year, I had to let a love go. I set it free and it came back. Better than ever expected! Version 2.0 is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Yay God!

What I’m looking forward to in 2011:

· More writing. More blogging and more journaling as I continue to work towards the goal of having enough material from which to pull from to begin a book sometime over the summer. I’m super excited about responding to God’s call for me to just “write the damn book.” Getting to that point this summer will be really exciting for me as it won’t be until then that I hopefully find out where God is going with all of this stuff.

Running. I started training for a half marathon in full force back in September. I was solidly on track to finish 13 miles a month ago, but the holidays and rekindling an old relationship have taken me off my path. I’m still going to do the thing, however, slower than originally hoped for. Finishing the marathon will be the completion of my “divorce bucket list” which I’m super psyched about finishing!

Loving. Hesitant to put all my relationship details out there to the masses, but suffice it to say that God is doing his thing and answering prayers faster than I can pray them in this department. I’m super excited about what he’s doing with us and in us and am looking forward to where he takes us.

This is the first time I’ve sat down and reflected on the previous year and looked forward to what the future has to hold. I’m really glad I did this little exercise and would encourage you to do the same! I want to live with intent, purpose and meaning and writing it all out helps me see where I’ve come from and where I’m going. Join me!

Here we go. . . the first post of the new year!

Oh, 2011, you devil you. Here you are. All full of hope and promise . . . unaware of my past sins and failure, and likely waiting for me to massively screw up in the year that you (eventually) were. What are we going to do this year, you and me? Where are we going to go? What are we going to see? More importantly, what is God going to do?

I already feel like I’m behind and it’s hardly begun. I’ve slacked off on my half marathon training, haven’t written anything for the blog in weeks and now that I somewhere I have to find the motivation to overcome the resistance in both instances.

Knowing that God has ordained all of this, I know he’ll help me out, but honestly right now I don’t “feel it”, any of it. What disturbs me most is that I don’t feel Jesus. My quiet time has bit the dust over the last few weeks and I’m definitely feeling the results. The good news is that I know that it’s just a rut and that somehow, if I lean on God, he will get me out it.

A month or two ago, I applied for a blog coach (myblogrocket.net) and am starting on that journey this week. With the marathon closing in on only 3 weeks away, I have no choice but to put on my running shoes later today and get out and pound the pavement. So, the good news is that I have some accountability to get out of the rut.

The next month is going to be crazy busy with running, writing, work being in full season and my Dad being in town, finally being able to spend some time in his new condo. I’m intimidated by it all but know that being stretched is where learning and growing can actually happen, and that is definitely where I want to be. Outside of my comfort zone and smack dab in the will of God.

So here’s to 2011, and all that she may bring!