Last Run Done. . . oh wait, there's still 13 more to go. . .

Ok, the ½ marathon I’ve been training for is this Sunday.  Am I ready?  Hell no.    

I’m not exactly where I was hoping to be training wise.  The holidays and a new (old) relationship threw a wrench into my training schedule, so I’m trying to tell myself that it’s the journey not the destination that really matters.

I’ve learned a lot while doing this and most importantly I feel as though I’ve shed an old skin.  The old skin was the one I wore up until I turned 30 which coincided with my world collapsing and one that has taken me the better part of four years to strip off.   It was cloaked in self doubt and worthlessness and disabled me from becoming the woman God intended me to be.  

While I’m still not where I ultimately want to be, I’m thankful that particular wardrobe no longer hangs in my closet.  I now understand that anything worth doing is worth doing well, that immediate gratification is for weenies and that the sense of pride and accomplishment that goes along with completing a goal is worth the blisters, soreness and exhaustion that accompanies 5 a.m. runs.  

It doesn’t matter what my final time is, nor if I take a few walk breaks.  What matters is that set out on a journey to train for and complete a half marathon 6 months ago, and in only a few short days from now, it will be history.  

What matters is all that God has shown me and given me (some really amazing friendships) and taught me during the process. It's definitely been a journey, and I'm still afraid of it, but I'm grateful to know that it's not been ability that has brought me this far, but simply God's grace.  It's not my skill or talent that will get me through the race Sunday but a strength that far outweighs my own, that currently seems like the greatest gift of all!

Hey, Big Guy? Can you hear me now?

A line in Jon Acuff’s blog yesterday really resonated with me.  He was discussing the finer points of “making things happen” ahead of God’s time line when he said that he’d jumped into a career move after praying about it for zero minutes. 

Whoa.  How many times have I done the same thing? 

What am I trying to make happen now without praying for one minute about?  Just yesterday, I spent a good couple of hours searching on the internet for immediate answers to one of those items . . . trying to make something happen.  How much sweeter will it be though, when, after diligent prayer, I see God PROVIDE those answers without me lifting a finger?

As I thought about this, I pulled out my handy dandy lil netbook and jotted down a list of 4 decisions that are weighing on my heart at the moment. As I strive to be more intentional in 2011, it seemed a logical step and I hope to see a few benefits.

For starters, I want to be focused in prayer on them, so for me, getting them out of my head and on to virtual paper helps me be deliberate about them.   I can refer to them when I have a few minutes here and there to pray.  Also, having a short list of 4, means that if I’m driving along in my car, I can remember the 4 and blurt out some thoughts (prayers).

Furthermore, as God reveals the answers to those prayers, I can revert back to them, in their written form, write more about them and see what God has done.  Doing so should give me faith in the future as I move on from those four and make new lists.

I really want to see God move here.  He is God. I am Lindsey.  He moves, I follow. 

Not the other way around. . . I move, He follows?  Uhm, no.  Clearly, that's not how it works.  I've tried it in the past.  Have you?

Clean Up On Aisle 6

Do you ever find yourself cleaning up another person's mess?  Jeff and I spent much of Sunday afternoon, paint brushes in hand, doing exactly that.

It’s hard not to bitch and moan about it, when you’re in the heat of it. When you’re spending your blessed Sunday afternoon, repeating a job that has already been done.   I really think it’s only human to find fault with the situation.

I’ve been thinking about it this morning, looking at the drawers that clearly don’t match, and wondering what in the hell the guy was thinking when he put them in?  Did he plan to paint them? Was he just being lazy? Perhaps he was simply color blind. 

Whatever the reason, as I was about to load up the old primer bucket and get to work I was trying to think if there is a way to find honor in it; trying to come up with some way to change my attitude about it.

My time and energy going into this project certainly are not a blessing to the old owner, he’s long gone and certainly never thinks for a moment about the jobs he left undone.  So, where should I set my mind, as I set about cleaning up his messes?

Only one thing came to mind.  How many messes does my Jesus, have to clean up for me?  And, how many times have I moved on from the offense, never to look back, while he’s back there loading up the proverbial primer bucket? Touche'.

Name That Blog!!

By the end of the month, my goal is to have www.lindseygoodall.com up and running and to have all of this jazz moved over there..  It is a wordpress page, and I have paid for, downloaded and uploaded my preferred theme.  I just need to make the move the official move over there.  Sadly, this little blogspot home I’ve found here, is quite cozy and I’m a wee bit distressed about making the move but I'm excited about taking the next step into my making my dream of full time writing a reality.

There are a few reasons for my pout about doing it though.  The first being that wordpress  makes me feel like a dumbass.  Like driving off from the gas station without paying for your gas, dumb.   Wait, that hasn't happened since the Pay Before You Pump revolution, but I suspect all of you are old enough to remember that feeling. Anywho, I have full faith that at some point I’ll master it and call it my bitch, but until then, every time I close out of it, I’m left feeling like a complete and utter moron.  I will press on however.

Secondly, I feel like a name change is on the horizon.  As my blog coach, so eloquently defined what I was already feeling/thinking about it, there is a disconnect between the title and the content. I have to admit that hearing that did evoke some sadness on my part, because SFD had the "wow" factor AND it resonated with me personally.

Sh*t, F*ck, D*mn was perfect for a season Being able to put it all out there provided the no holds barred approach I needed to get myself headed in the right direction with blogging. Every time I open the page, I feel like I can say whatever is on my mind, that this is my platform, for me, by me, with love.

Here is where you come in.  I need help coming up with a name.  Sh*t, F*ck, Damn, rattled around in my brain for months before I finally jumped in and did it.  Jeff and I have brainstormed a few times and the best we’ve got is “I saw God today”.  While, that title is sort of what I ultimately want the blog to be about; how I most recently saw or felt God moving, it is simply not irreverent enough!

I don’t want it to be “religious”. I want it to be real. 

Any ideas?  Something slightly cheeky, but with a faithful undertone is what I’m looking for.  While you work on that, I’ll work on strengthening my relationship with Wordpress in an effort to bring you the official launch of www.lindseygoodall.com!


So, show me what you've got!   You are all FAR more creative than me, so give it your best shot by leaving a comment below.  The winner will get some super tremendous prize, selected by me, from me, with love! xoxo

Look Up

I want to share with you all  the devotion that I read this morning, January 24^th, from Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling.  If you’ve ever wanted a daily devotional, I would highly recommend it, as it's not heady or weighty.   It was given to me for Christmas by a dear a friend and it’s literally like starting each and every day with a bear hug from the one that made you. 

                “MY PEACE is the treasure of treasures: the pearl of great price.  It is an exquisitely costly gift, both for the Giver and the receiver.  I purchased this  Peace for you with my blood.  You receive this gift by trusting Me in the midst of life’s storms.  If you have the world’s peace—everything going your way—you don’t seek MY unfathomable Peace.  Thank Me when things do not go your way, because spiritual blessings come wrapped in trials.  Adverse circumstances are normal in a fallen world.  Expect them each day.  Rejoice in the face of hardship, for I have overcome the world.”

In my last post, I wrote about how much I cherish my Mondays.  How sometimes I feel as though I live for Mondays.  This Monday is no different, and after a week of running to and fro, all over the planet it seemed, I awoke this morning with no place to be and nothing to do.  Hallelujah.

As I turned to today’s page and saw that the first two words were “MY PEACE”, it felt like that big old bear hug from Jesus that I have been longing for this week.  But as I read, thanking Him in my head for answering my prayers for the quiet and peaceful day that is stretched out before me, I was reminded of a conversation I recently had with my Aunt.

As we prepared our holiday plans, we were trying how to fit together the pieces of a broken family.  We were both longing for the days when once it seemed, everyone happily and willingly showed up to my grandmother’s each and every holiday,  to enjoy the feast and the fellowship.  With that no longer as easy as it once was, she said, “Lindsey, I so wish this could just be easy and not so hard.”  In one of those divine moments of inspiration, I retorted, “but then we would never have to look up.”

I can honestly say now that I’m grateful for the hardships in my life that force me to just stop and say, “You’re in control of this, not me”.  Moreover, I’m beyond grateful, that there is someone up above to look up to, when life throws a few lemons in my direction. But most of all, I'm always, always touched by the peace that overwhelms me when I mutter those words.

A case of the Mondays

I had a plan of how it was supposed to go.  Like we all, often do.

However, a slight little change in plans set me completely off course.  I didn't even take the much needed shower.  While it was a completely welcomed surprise that set me off course, by the end of the day, i felt as thought I would never get back my momentum.  I learned a lesson though, which is I guess what really matters; the lesson being to NEVER set about my getting my chores done before getting down and dirty with God in a little QT and before I get my writing goals met, on a Monday.

It started out like any other Monday.  Well, any other Monday for me, is not like any other Monday for you.  I LOVE Monday.  I LIVE FOR Monday. I look forward to Monday, like you look forward to Friday.  Monday is all about ME day.  And, all about Jesus day.  All about me and Jesus day.  Ah.

The past few months, since this writing journey began, Mondays have really become the one day when I can sit in the still and focus on where God is telling me to go with this thing.  I can shut everything else out (except how much I love Mondays) and listen to what he's telling me to write and get down to the business of doing it.

Last week, half of my parents were in town and I had several meetings and other obligations, so I knew my Monday was shot, but went with it, feeling like I was sacrificing my Monday for the greater good.  While I did, very much miss it, I kept thinking, "it's ok.  Next Monday is just around the corner'.

It doesn't rain much in Florida.  Not like it does in other parts of the world, where the rain just sets in for the day or days on end.  We get plenty of showers, but not so many rainy days.  When I realized that yesterday was forecasted to be a really rainy day,  I decided I better alter my preferred Monday schedule a bit, running the errands first thing before the rain set in, rather than spending the morning with God and writing.  I figured I would knock out the my errands and my chores before lunch an as soon as lunch was over, I would be able to cozy on the couch and get down to business, and thereby making the most out of my rainy day.

While something horrible could have happened to derail my plans, it was a truly unexpected and pleasant surprise that set me off course.  Jeff came home from work after lunch with no plan of returning to the office for the afternoon!  Now, please don't get me wrong (especially, you babe!), I was THRILLED to have the afternoon with him!  We've been running a thousand miles an hour the last week, many times in opposite directions, and I was over the moon that he'd busted his ass that morning at work so we could have the afternoon together.  Truly, it was a great treat!

By supper time, I was in a funk.  I had worked all day, doing chores, running errands and cooking but hadn't gotten to the "work" I so desperately needed and wanted to do.  I had completely lost another Monday.  Two weeks in a row.  I needed some Jesus, I needed to write, I needed not to fail at completing my goals. 

Here's your sign, Linds.  Satan, you mother f*cker, stealer of all joy and peace, thanks for taking away a perfectly wonderful surprise and using it to jump start my week with an extra jolt of exhaustion and a pervasive sense of failure.

At this point, you're probably thinking, "why am I reading this?"  Hell, I'm certainly sitting here thinking, "why am I writing this?"  The point is (hallelujah, we've made it to the bottom line), is that while I sit here exhausted, terrified of the busy week that spans before me like a Jordan crossing to get to next Monday, I KNOW that God will use this shitty little experience.  I know that he will take my heavy eyelids and pry them open and help me get it all done.  Who knows what he's going to do in me and through me this week, but I know it's going to be good.

I know he'll pull me out of the funk, see to it that I get some rest, make a few moments, like these, for me to get some writing done, and that by Him, through Him and with Him, I can get it all done and live to see another Monday.

Update:  It's now 8:25 p.m. and I made it through the day, which 13 hours before, I wondered how I would ever survive.    While it wasn't easy, God granted me peace and courage to keep busy and keep on task and I'm so grateful.  

I had a work event tonight, which are never really any fun, but tonight while speaking to a group I felt God infusing me with his patience to complete my duties to the best of my ability. To God be the glory, great things he hath done. 

God is good. All the time. God is good.

What a morning!  After snoozing the 3 set alarms on my iphone (set to the most horrendous ringer in the world), and snoozing each one of them 3 times, and spending those 15 minutes deciding whether or not to hit the gym, go downstairs and write or go back to sleep, I finally talked myself into getting my lazy hiney to the gym. 

While pounding out 5 miles on that damn treadmill, I was again overcome by the awareness that I can do absolutely ANYTHING I set my mind to and moreover THAT YOU CAN TOO.  Setting the bar a little bit higher, each time I run by myself, often leaves me with a feeling of accomplishment that I wish I could bottle up and share with you.  We’ve all heard that we can do anything through Christ who strengthens us (Phil. 4:13) but have we truly experienced that?  Have we put it all out there on the line saying, “God there is no way, I can physically, emotionally, spiritually (whatever) accomplish this task, but I believe you will fill me with your strength to do it”?  And have we continued on to complete the task, watching his strength and love ooze from our sweaty pores?

After running back home and quickly getting ready for work and a quick trip by the bank to grab my weekly allowance, I was thrilled with myself at what all I had accomplished in the few short hours since those damn alarms started going off.  As a reward for all of my hard work and dedication, I decided to run into 7-eleven to grab one of my favorite breakfast treats.

Sadly, they were out of cheese Danishes (holla if you love them like I do), so I begrudgingly made my way over to the consolation prize: Muscle Milk.  I was totally bitching about the fact that I was about to spend $4 on a “healthy” drink when the “unhealthy” cheese Danish would have only cost me $1.49, when I recognized that the man in front of me to check out, was paying for his gallon of water in pennies and dimes.

WHOA. Here I am, blessed beyond belief, to have $4 to spend on 16 ounces of pure protein and I’m bitching about it? 

I remembered the $50 bill in my wallet (given to me by a gatherer), and as I walked to my car, noticing the same clean cut fellow sitting in the driver seat of a local heating and air company’s van, I also remembered that look of anxiety on his face as he waited, hoping he’d handed the clerk enough, as she counted out his payment for a gallon of spring water.

I can easily tell you that the greatest blessing of my week was knocking on the window of his van and mumbling something about “I know this weird but it’s sort of a random act of kindness thing. . .  but anyway, here’s some money for you”. 

God is good. All the Time. God is Good.  Not only did He strengthen me to meet my own needs this morning, but He also provisioned me to help meet the need of another.

"Do for one person what you wish you could do for everyone." ~ Andy Stanley